Religion

I'm often asked why I disagree with the whole construct of religion. I actually don't... entirely.

I like the idea of religion , as an intangible construct (an invisible law enforcement somewhat) that guides people's ways of living and guides their moral compasses to knowing right from wrong. It regulates relations between people in a certain community , gives them faith , hope and belief... People are able to continue living believing their existances aren't futile.

But that's about where it stops... The religions we've put into place are entirely broken. I say "put into" because religion is a construct of man , man came before religion . Religion was just man looking to the skies for answers he could not find around him.

The same religions that teach us we are all "equal in the eyes of God" are the ones that imply that those who don't take up that religion are lesser beings living futile lives and are condemned...
Religion had its place when communities were conservative and weren't really interacting with other communities and it only served individual bodies of people.

All the wars in history and now can be directly / indirectly (but sufficiently) linked to either race or religion...

"Accept God as your savior"

- Savior from what?

"From what he's going to do to you if you don't accept him as your Savior "
... This reasoning is beyond me.

It is expected of you to obey, believe and follow your religion without question or hesitation of any form... And be thankful to your religion for everything that goes right in your life.
Nazi Germany and Adolf Hitler are a great example of what happens when people blindly follow/rally behind a figure/cause,  they don't fully understand and can't question.

The same religious bodies that teach against segregation, victimising and persecution of individuals or groups are the first to call you "The anti-christ" and label you an atheist in a derogatory / demeaning manner, as if you were of a lesser class and "are going to hell" for questioning why you should dedicate your life to something someone sat at home and thought up. The same ones that teach not to kill but wage wars" in the name of God"

My point is that religion is probably the last barrier humanity has to face before they truly start evolving as a race. The greatest world divides are down to religion. Yes, we need diversity, but you fail to realize that culture, norms and moral beliefs can stand aside from religion... As they did before religion.

I just fear it will take a disaster of unprecedented proportion for humanity to see that they can no more look to the skies and their regions and realize that they must be their own salvation.

The Motion

There are setbacks or rather actualities we are never ready for... Things we feel we've grown past or overcome.

I feel there's nothing worse than realizing the truth after so long... You feel you've come this far only for it to all turn to shit at the introduction of an unexpected event.
Realizing you are in essence not the person you thought you were and have not at all grown... Your emotions and actions are still tied to past events and people... The feeling that what you are leaving behind is where you belong.

In our existence there are 2 realities ... "Where we are" and "where we want to be"... We all strive to be where we want to be ... But it happens more often than not that we end up realizing that where we were is where we've actually always wanted to be , and are often faced with the prospect of giving up what we've gained on the way to realizing this...

The feeling that within the strength you've grown a greater weakness emerged... One in which you long for traits you had previously possessed and lost in growth...

We often find means to convince ourselves that what we are doing is satisfactory and is in an actual sense what we want to do... The lies we tell ourselves...

But then again , why hold onto something that has forsaken you?... That is a question much easier answered when the "something" isn't something that's part of who you are or a defining characteristic...
To grow means giving up your ability to walk so you can learn how to fly... But what happens when you give up your ability to walk and realize you don't know how to fly?...

It takes great character to keep moving after you find yourself back where you started ... I was never ready... Nothing was the same ... Though it remains monotonous...

Esoteric

The one in the crowd trying neither to fit in nor stand out... Could probably never fit in if he wanted to... Acknowledge your oddities and have it misconstrued as vanity.

Rather remain silent and hope they remain indifferent to your differences.

It all comes undone when you do things of an inexplicable / unjustifiable nature and you don't bother explaining because your reasons are esoteric.

You find yourself lost when even the odd find you odd... The one that understands you even minutely is intellectual enough to know not to further burden themselves with the void undertaking.

Others just probe and prod relentlessly in futile attempts to understand someone that does not understand themselves. Sometimes you feel you're just another that thinks too highly of themselves...but your thoughts and actions are driven by neither vanity nor sense of self.

Or maybe you just a faulty toy ... God was bound to make one eventually...

Guess its to not think much and just allow my existence and passing :-"

By: Tommy Nambahu jr

Alexithymia

I saw her face rifled with emotion and excitement and wearing a smile not to be mistaken for any other as she saw and approached me . I stopped her before she could utter the words that I could read on her face from the way she looked at me...

"Don't trifle with emotions you don't fully understand"... I said... She knew from the look in my eyes and by the tone in my voice that I was sure of what I spoke and that it was to be heeded.

I expected her to leave in silence or be antagonized by what appeared to be condescendence... But  "Lol" she quite literally said as an unbecoming calmness befell her ... She could somehow tell how surprised I was despite my facial expression remaining unmoved.

"Do you now mean to tell me you know my emotions better than I do? , my emotions exist regardless of whether yours are mutual"... She said ,speaking as many words as she could before I intervened. For she knew the now only too old state of mind I had entered into when she attempted to bring this up.

As I inconspicuously swallowed my saliva , took a deep breath and prepared to speak ... "Fuck you Tommy" she said... In an eerie calm tone... She said it with so much emotion but displayed no signs of belligerence...

I could see she was proud of herself as finally she was able to draw an expression from my face with those words... "I will not be angered by nor insult the traits you display as you clearly take pride in them... I look at you... And I see only shallowness in your depth... You aren't who think you are , many people try to impress others , you are possessed by the need to impress yourself by doing "Dumb shit" (as she quoted with her hands) that only you understand and passing it off as depth... Its pathetic" she added ...

She couldn't be more correct and mistaken at the same time , I thought to myself... All she had spoken was the truth... Except for that she had looked through and not at me.

"I love you" she said loudly before I was able to cut her off again...As a look of surprise arose on her face. Surprise , but not at that she had said it , but rather at that I had allowed her to... An awkward silence befell the moment as those few seconds suddenly felt like hours.

She knew I had known how she felt about me and how I felt about her... And this of all days she would not be denied her very right as my person...

"I'm tired of your shit" , she said explicitly ... "Today you WILL tell me you love me or I'm gone"... She said in anger for the first time during the entire conversation.

I had expected this to come at some time or another so my facial expression remained unmoved , but my emotions however , were all over the place...

Was I to lose the defining aspect of my character that had been at the forefront of my growth since I was able to think and had essentially made me who I am by telling her I loved her or was I to lose the only woman my shallow heart had ever been able to love by saying nothing to her...??

As she looked me straight in the eyes and I prepared to tell her I loved her as apathetically as possible... I involuntarily gasped and sighed slowly... As if to say I had been possessed , my aura suddenly darkened... "I refuse to allow you to force me to acknowledge what does not exist" ...I said to her assuredly ...

She bit her lower lip and closed her eyes as she shook her head slowly... Opening her eyes with tears in them she said "I don't even know why I'm surprised" as she grabbed her keys , phone and blouse in preparation to leave...

She looked back and said "Get help". It was clear she was still unable to understand why he could not tell her with his mouth what his eyes clearly said...That he loved her... Between pride and the littlethings...(...Loading)

By: Tommy Nambahu Jr 

The Cursed Gifted

Ever hear the term , "To whom much is given , much is tested" ... We all wish to be more or do more , if not then your entire existence is null... If you don't wish to grow and become better and are fully content with who you are where you are , regardless of how impressive your position or being is , then you should find the nearest bridge and jump off it. 

But do we ever wonder why those who appear to have it all go crazy or are caught up in nonsense. Does anything come without a price?... Why do the greatest / wealthiest celebrities end up resorting to drug use or abuse of alcohol if their lives seem perfect.?

Ever have values / aspects of your character that you would want the people to see , but are overshadowed by those that people find most appealing?... What if Einstein found fame for his physical appearance / or ability to perform a certain activity , would he ever have gotten notice for his intellect / his ability to think beyond what he was taught?

 These are the fears I Harbour , what if I'm one of societies most advanced minds , but because I'm tall , dark and handsome (so I've been told)  women will only view me as such because it's more appealing than my intellect , do I want to to be wanted just because of how I look?

I've come across some of the most intelligent women , that will never be thought of as just that because of their physical appearance , so sexually appealing people tend to not think of them as being more than just that... 

Do you find someone that loves / is attracted to you because of how cool you are / how visually appealing you are to them and spend the rest of your life knowing they actually do love you for real because of how you are to them... But have that feeling that you're not being fully appreciated for what is actually your most attractive quality (perhaps your intelligence , self-actualisation etc)... 

The curse of the gifted is that people will never love or appreciate you for what you actually are , aspects of your character that shine and are seen by the world will cast a great shadow on who you really are & those that actually make you , you! You never have security or certainty of self.

Sometimes we want to be what we lack , but are we willing to give up all we are to achieve it , are you willing to give up your most exceptional values for those that society finds more appealing? For those few more stares in public , more compliments , more attentions from more , shallow minded suitors... Are you willing to in essence sell your soul.

It's that feeling of knowing you'll never be more than what people think you are. You're so exceptional in one aspect people think of you as just that , that's the curse the gifted , they're under/unappreciated. You looked at the picture in this piece and immediately noticed that art on her face and never noticed the beauty of her eyes. Because it isn't what is made to stand out. Because we are humanity and we're broken.

 

BY: Tommy Nambahu jr

Balance

Don't know if its a primitive characteristic or perhaps just human nature , but why do we seem to find people more attractive when they're in relationships... Its something u don't really notice... like that one person that has wanted you for an eternity , that u never paid any mind to until suddenly one day they find someone & they just become interesting... 

Or perhaps its just a childish infatuation to desire something more when we aren't allowed to have it... or like as a child you had that one toy you never played with but when some other kid takes it from you , It suddenly becomes your Moby Dick...and you would shit bricks and move planets to get it back... a curious species is what we are... 

Why are we never content with what we have , it's an admirable quality for one to be driven to achieve & acquire more , but what happens to what we already have when we acquire what we want... You get so busy being off chasing the world , you forget how far you've actually come & what you've actually achieved... 

One should take time to appreciate what you already have & if possible , holster it ... more often then not there's someone dying to have what you are willing to leave behind & they won't hesitate to take it from you if you fail to safeguard it ... 

What comes to mind is Adolf Hitler & Nazi Germany , if Hitler had stopped to think just how far he had come after invading Austria , Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, France, Denmark, Yugoslavia, Greece, Norway and Western Poland ... And chosen to protect what he had , Germany would be the worlds most powerful country as we speak (and we'd have lots of beer and no vodka) ... But no , he decided to be greedy & attack Russia ... in winter... , which led to his demise and eventual defeat... 

Point is , find the balance between striving forward and protecting what you have ... Don't let one come at too great a cost to the other ... 

By: Tommy Nambahu jr 

Solitude

Solitude

I think people fear solitude too much , I've seen people go to great lengths to stay relevant to others. People allow others to be their sole purpose of living & be the bearer of all their happiness.

What most people don't understand is the amount of strength there is in solitude. You get a clear chance to reevaluate what / how your life really is / or who you really are without the influence of others.

Who are you really once you take away your given name & relations to others ...? What have you done that makes you who you are , your unsolicited actions!...

These are questions only a bit of solitude can help you answer , no one can help you find self-purpose. It would be wise to disconnect yourself from everyone and try to find / create yourself once in a while.

If you always feel the need to ask others about yourself , what you should do or how you look for reassurance , then your internal compass is broken. Yes , opinion & perspective is an integral part of our society... But you shouldn't allow it to cause you to change who you are , that is the essence of dependency.

One can grow great in confidence if you take an honest look & judge yourself , find and accept your flaws & help build on your strengths. When alone , you notice things about yourself that others can't see , you get a glimpse of who you really are , what you think about when others haven't influenced your thought patterns.

You get a clear view of yourself when there aren't others around to cause ripples in the water , that clear reflection isn't contaminated with prejudices , opinions & preferences ... Its just you. After all , you are only ever truly yourself when no one is watching

Tyrion Lannister (Game of Thrones ):  "Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used against you."

By: Tommy Nambahu Jr